Feels like a lump?
Feels
like a lump?
What
do you think?
Sure
it’s nothing, ignore for a bit.
Been
feeling wiped out, just shattered
Stressed
and over working
Nothing
that really mattered.
Not
sure though, running has been tough
Not
like training used to be
Some
days feel quite rough..
Don’t
like seeing my GP
Middle
aged and menopausal
Depressed?
Find you’re not coping?
Always
same assumption,
It’s
true, I am not joking.
Saw
it on TV, breast examination
Mustn’t
ignore the change I feel
Might
be something real.
Dr
said “its nothing” but referred me anyway
“What
seems to be the trouble”
Consultant
said to me
You
took the mammograms
So
tell ME what did you see?
Bit
foggy we’re not sure
You
need an FNA
Get
an ultra sound as well
Lets
see what they both say.
Its
come back as “abnormal”
We
really don’t know why
We’ll
call you in two weeks
Might
need an MRI.
Do
some core biopsies
We
need a better look
Ten
needles stuck in me
Hour
and a half it took.
Go
home try not to worry
Come
back in two more weeks
We’ll
have results for you
Then
see what we can do.
Plastic
chairs, pale blue walls
Clocks
hands tick and tock
Read
every poster, leaflet racks
There’s
tissues in a box.
Footsteps
in the corridor
My
heart is beating fast
At
least today we’ll know for sure
We’ll
get some news at last.
In
they walk, one, two, three
They
all sit down in silence
The
consultant next to me.
“We
have some answers”
“Know
what it is”
“We’ve
found cancer Mrs Stedman.
That’s
what your lump is”.
“Lobular
carcinoma
Less
common invasive type
Mastectomy
and node biopsies
That
will put it right”
Breathless, breastless.
Breathless, breastless, tight band down arm to chest
Looks down to the red biro line, where once she saw her breast
Turns
side on to the mirror, her curves of female form
But
turn the other way and her missing breast she mourns.
No symmetry, lop-sided, imbalance in her shape
Already learnt to hide the bumps, a pretty scarf she drapes.
Prosthesis, fake, it feels so false, elastic that digs in
Prefers to go “au natural” and wear only her skin.
Breastless, breathless, stabs and jabs within
Drugs to ease the pain, warm oil to soothe the skin
Weary nights, toss and turn, can’t lay upon her side
Pillows, cushions rest her bones, too many tears she’s cried.
Her battle or her war to win? To fight with all her might?
No winners here, or soldiers brave, no heroes in the night
Light the way in a tunnel dark, brighten mind and soul
Be healed, be strong and live this life, regaining dreams, her goal.
Race For Life
Breasts bob up and down, muddy feet sink
Reconstructions, prosthesis, silicone form
Hum drum chatter, tired bodies yawn
Memories
and emotions sit on clouds in the air
Stories
and thoughts, opportunity to shareMy nana, my Auntie, my sister, a wife”
All ages, all sizes join in, Race For Life
Racing
for life, they all run to live
Throw pounds in buckets that rattle “please
give”In honour and memory a mark of respect
Survivors supporters take your marks, get set.
Cash to fund research, and to promote “breast
aware”
Cancer’s not choosy and life isn’t fairA cure is what’s needed, for some life runs out
Race for life ladies, to erase fear and doubt.
I’m not brave and I’m not a soldier,
But I carry the scars, they’ll fade when I’m
olderNot a battle to win or a mountain to climb
A bump in the road, a journey in time.
Silent but deadly, invades from within
Cancerous cells hide beneath skin“You’re looking so well” everyone says
Can’t see the illness and the games that it plays.
Surgery, treatment, drugs to stay well,
Disfigured chest, can anyone tell?Tamoxifen side effects, heavy monthly bleed
Losing of iron causes fatigue
Five years of drugs to keep it away
Will it return, no one can sayBucket list written, do it all just in case
Life with new meaning, I’ve stared cancer in the face
Not sure what to say except you are never to feel alone. We are all here to help you regain your dreams xxxx
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