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| One For Sorrow. Lou Loakes |
Feedback from the 350+ visitors who came to see the graphic images and learn of the journeys of breast cancer survivors was quite overwhelming. “Inspirational, powerful, beautiful, poignant, breath-taking creativity, magnificent, evoking, emotive….”
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| Stark reality. Jane Birrel MacKenzie |
My life has changed
considerably in the two years since I was diagnosed. Two years ago yesterday, I
sat in a white consulting room on a blue plastic chair waiting. I remember it
was sunny, I pushed my fingers through the vertical blinds to let in the sun, I
watched the hands on the clock tick, I saw the box of tissues on the desk.
Moments later came the news that would change my body and my life.
The hot needle stabs
that occasionally pierce my chest are a reminder of the surgery and the loss of
my breast. These are brought on by exercise such as swimming and the rowing
machine. I have given up with the rowing but am keen to develop the swimming.
On the anniversary yesterday I tried out the new Aquatics Centre in Aberdeen
for the first time. Fabulous facilities and a wonderful 50m lane pool where I
managed to swim 1km.
Tamoxifen side
effects remain minimal and it’s hard to differentiate from what is “normal” as
one gets into their 50’s! I sometimes feel as though I lose big chunks of
memory, not just words or detail, but chunks of time unsure of what I did or
with whom. Most mornings my eyes are very cloudy and it takes several minutes
for them to clear fully. The heat has caused swollen legs and I am experiencing
a low grade temperature for about half the month which the doctor says is the
Tamoxifen. (He didn’t actually take my temperature or examine me in any way). Menstruation
continues regularly, heavy on day one but then as “normal”. I’m getting around
two to three “fatigue” days a month, the temperature doesn’t seem to help this.
I just manage my time and try not to cram too much into my day or week,
combining good diet and exercise, work, play and relaxation where possible.
Since the passing of
two years, I have learnt who and what are important to me. I have learnt to be
calmer, to expect less, to demand less, to live in the moment, to do the things
that make me happy and to avoid or minimise the things that cause me stress. There
is no time like the present and there is no present like time. Time is the
greatest gift any of us will ever have.
Some relationships
have deepened and drawn closer, some have diminished and no longer hold much
value. They were what they were for a period of time only. The ones that remain
are to be cherished and enjoyed and time shared filled with moments of living, giving
and enjoying. My experience has enabled me to help others in similar
situations, able to offer a friend some comfort following her own mastectomy
and reconstruction and support to my cousin during her diagnosis and subsequent
lumpectomy. And then there are new friends. New people brought into my life
along the way. My Project artists, the team. People who have uplifted, inspired
and believed in me. People who made my dreams possible.
We are very excited
to be taking the exhibition down to Bradford to exhibit during the Saltaire
Festival in September as well as a second Aberdeen exhibition at The Arts
Centre & Theatre. We have been invited to take a mini exhibition and
presentation to one of the local businesses in Dyce next week. I am also to
take part in a training program as a Team B Aware Ambassador for Breast Cancer
Care in September. The new scheme aims to target disadvantaged groups and raise
awareness in being “Breast Aware” and to dispel the myths and fear surrounding
breast cancer. Scotland has one of the highest mortality rates in Europe for
breast cancer and this they say is down to late diagnosis. My role will to be
to talk to groups and give the facts.
Life is altogether a
slower more relaxed pace, less physically demanding and far less stressful now
I am out of the big old house. I can honestly say I have not missed it at all.
The move was a smooth transition from country to coast. Every day feels like a
holiday looking from the windows to see the tide go out and the seabirds come
in. Herons, Oyster catchers, curlews, gulls right outside the lounge window,
wonderful walks directly from the front door and empty beaches within a short
distance. Life on the estuary is just as it should be.
